


You came to break my walls

by Verdan (Dandie)



Series: The sun and moon says "We come in pairs" [1]
Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F, Unreliable Narrator, Yong-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 02:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17654027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandie/pseuds/Verdan
Summary: … and help build it up again.Yongsun wasn't one to show her emotions, so she can't really remember when she started to change. 11.29.16 Memo.





	You came to break my walls

When they met, it wasn't on the best of terms. Yongsun had been aware she was one of the oldest trainees there, but to see a girl casually talking to her had rubbed her in the worst of ways. Yongsun can't help notice every few things she did, like how casual she was with everyone, how she dresses so sloppily that she wondered if she was even serious in debuting. She was a rapper, she said, and as Yongsun hated to admit, she was quite good at it.

But Yongsun wasn't one to hold grudges, so a few days in, she was able to hold a few decent conversation with her.

Her name was Moon Byulyi.

She was surprised to learn Yongsun was actually her unnie.

She didn't apologize for her actions though.

She used to be a vocalist, but her previous agency wanted her to debut as a rapper. So she auditioned as rapper.

She used to be in a group with Wheein, and by extension, knew Hyejin.

Now, they were back together again as trainees.

Yongsun felt it was a bit unfair that Byulyi already knew some of the trainees while Yongsun spent the first month holding stilted conversations with Wheein and Hyejin.

Working, fortunately, kept her mind off her socially awkward self. Their weekly evaluation were spent in learning other group's songs and dances, creating their own covers for it. It wasn't that hard to notice how Byulyi was good in dancing. While she and Wheein practiced in front of the piano, she always found herself watching at the corner of her eyes--watching that girl strike moves you'll find in a boy group's choreography.

For a moment, Yongsun found Moon Byulyi cool.

“Yah! Unnie!” Wheein shouted. Yongsun flinched, apologizing with a laugh as she had missed a note.

_‘Dangerous thoughts, Yongsun. What are you doing?’_

☆●☆●☆

Wheein and Hyejin loves spicy foods-- _really, really_ spicy foods.

Yongsun can't say she can't stand them.

Sometimes, Yongsun hates how she can't say no to friends she just met.

So when Byulyi asked to eat together, she was a bit embarrassed how fast she had said yes when she saw Hyejin walking towards her.

“Ah, unnie and I gonna’ eat out,” Byulyi _(bless her)_ explained, a hand on her waist.

“Ah, I see. Next time then, unnie?” Hyejin asked with a smile.

Yongsun nodded, hoping her smile wasn’t as stiff as she felt.

Next thing she knew, she was sitting across Byulyi after ordering _tteokbokki_ for both of them.

_(“What do you want to eat? I think I want to eat tteokbokki.”_

_“Ah, I want the same.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yes, thanks Unnie.”)_

“Why don't you eat with Wheein-ah and Hyejinie?” Yongsun found herself asking.

Byulyi looked up at her, mouth full of rice cakes. She chewed for a moment, a hand covering her lips. “They love spicy food,” she answered dryly. Yongsun raised a brow, pointedly looking at their rice cakes. Byulyi sputtered a bit, “I mean, like they eat spicy food. Like all the time.” Yongsun nodded, despairing how she put up with all the spicy food the two tried to feed her. “I don't even know how you can stand it,” Byulyi added around another mouthful.

Yongsun felt her ears turning hot, eyes back to her food. “I don't actually.”

“Ah?” Byulyi gaped at her, eyes wide before she suddenly burst into laughter.

Unfortunately, it took a lot of slaps on the shoulder for her to stop.

Yongsun didn't want to admit it but she was glad when Byulyi started regularly asking her to eat together.

☆○☆○☆

Sometimes, Yongsun _really_ hates how she can't say no to friends she just met.

“So unnie, Hyejin invited me to live with her on a dorm. Do you wanna’ come?” Byulyi asked her out of the blue.

Maybe it took her by surprise.

Maybe the thought of living out of her home excited her.

Or maybe she just doesn't think before she answers.

“Okay,” she found herself saying before her mind could catch up.

She didn't have the heart to tell them she just takes a single bus to get to their agency when Byulyi and Hyejin started cheering, gushing at each other how fun it could be. Next thing she knew, she was cheering excitedly along the other two.

 _‘It could be fun,’_ she told herself. _‘Shouldn't be that hard, right?’_

Only she didn't knew how to tell her parents. The thought of telling Hyejin that she couldn't possibly come if her parents didn't agree didn't even cross her mind. She just wanted to live with them.

And if there's something Yongsun wants, she always does her best to get it.

So she planned for it, slowly introducing the idea of her living out of her parents house. She started by telling her sister first of course. Then, a bit of prodding; a bit of white lies here and there.

It took a while, and her parents weren't exactly comfortable with her living away; but the heavy feel of her bags and the smiling face Moon Byulyi had her thinking it was worth it.

☆●☆●☆

She learned that Hyejin and Byulyi shared her love for dramas, western movies, and music.

And that they love listening to ghost stories.

Wheein sleeps with them sometimes, but most of the time she returns to Jeonju.

It wasn't a perfect life but living together with them made her realize a few things;

She can't cook;

She had always relied in her mother cleaning her room;

Hyejin and Byulyi always tease her;

She sometimes talk in her sleep;

There's only one bathroom and the lock is broken;

Byulyi was a bit too much with her skinship;

And she's living with girls.

Girls.

Sometimes Yongsun hates how she doesn't thinks some things through.

So it took her by surprise when Hyejin walked around their humble rooftop home in just her underwear, complaining how hot it was there; to Byulyi walking in on her showering and not batting an eye to her nakedness. She made a scene out of it though,

_(“What the heck! I'm showering right here!”_

_Byulyi laughed. “You're so cute, unnie!”_

_“Byul-ah, get out.”_

_“Relax, I have the same. I see the same thing everyday.”_

_“Aish! Seriously?”)_

Like most things new to her, it took awhile for her to get used to it--just another part of living together with girls. Even if she has an older sister, they weren't exactly the type to bathe together. Also, she learned that both of them (plus Wheein) went to all-girls schools, so seeing another girl naked wasn't something they hadn't seen before.

It took awhile but she learned to be comfortable with that. Because sometimes--sometimes she really, _really_ have to take a shit and Byulyi always takes her time when she's in the bathroom.

_(“What the heck, unnie?!”_

_“You always take time, Byul-ah--” Yongsun groaned._

_“Aish! I can't believe you!”_

_“Seriously, it's not something you haven't seen before.”_

_“I hate you.”_

_Yongsun can't help but laugh, “I love you too, Moon Byulyi.”)_

☆○☆○☆

She learned that fighting comes naturally between friends.

Sometimes it's just small disagreements.

Sometimes it's full blown arguments.

But something about today was different. Maybe it was how Byulyi or Hyejin didn't wake her when her alarm didn't; or how her facial wash was out because Byulyi used all of it; or they had to take a verbal lashing from their CEO because they were late. _Again._ Or maybe it was how her members acted so lazy that day, just moving through the motions all throughout the day.

Really, why can't they understand that they always have to do their best?

Why did it have to be her the only one to care?

Why was Moon Byulyi not doing her part?

“Yah! Moon Byulyi! I'm talking to you!”

She knew that Byulyi wasn't one to talk back in their arguments. She always looks away, brows scrunched and lips pursed together. She doesn't shout, she doesn't look back, and she always walks away.

Yongsun doesn't know why, but that always made her angry. Like an itch crawling underneath her skin.

So when Byulyi tried to walk away, Yongsun pulled at her arm. Byulyi whirled towards her, face thunderous. Yongsun didn't stop however, she was just so angry. So she pushed.

Byulyi slammed loudly against the door.

And just like that, Yongsun learned when Byulyi is angry--she _burns._

 

It was embarrassing, if she thought back on it, how they started to get physical in their fight; how Hyejin was crying her eyes out trying to stop them; how Wheein has a bruise on her cheek for getting in between them; how they all had to lie of getting in an accident when their manager asked about the bruises that couldn't be hidden.

Yongsun also learned that day that Moon Byulyi was the most annoying person she ever met.

☆●☆●☆

She can't remember if she ever said sorry first.

She can't even remember why she was mad at her in the first place.

But when Moon Byulyi apologizes, she _apologizes._

She doesn't grovel though. Never that.

Yongsun learned, as she stares at that familiar lopsided grin and a small plushie of Ryan--

_(“I got it from the arcade. Wheeinie went with me.”_

_“Wow, daebak.”)_

\--that Moon Byulyi is always the first to apologize.

☆○☆○☆

Their years of training translated into years of friendship. Yongsun can't say she ever had friends like them before--

_She can only remember blurred faces, days spent talking to no one, food only eaten alone, of people giving her wide berths because she was--_

“Yongsun.”

“What'd you call me?” Yongsun snapped, but the laugh on her face told them it was fine. “You fucking brat.”

Byulyi laughed, eyes turning into small crescents as she held her phone up between them. “I have blackmail material now unnie,” she said, shaking the phone in front of her face. Yongsun tried swatting her hand away. “You should do everything I say.”

“Do everything- What is this girl talking about?” she asked, turning to the younger girls who had been watching them--

_A bit too closely._

_They didn't want a fight._

_We always fight._

\--for the last few minutes teasing each other. “Can you hear what this girl is saying?”

“Yes,” Wheein said dryly, “Please, no fighting unnie.”

“Wheein-ah, Wheein-ah, her nose- her nose feels like the AC,” Byulyi laughed, slapping a hand on her side.

Yongsun gasped, playing along. “I can't believe this girl. I put up with her every day.”

“You should just get married, unnie,” Hyejin pitched in, arms wrapping around Wheein's side, “You're like a married couple-”

“Hyejinie! What the fuck are you saying!?”

If it was possible, their laughters turned louder that the staff found them sprawled on their sides with tears on their eyes.

“You girls are really interesting, aren't you?”

Yongsun couldn't help but agree as they tried apologizing with snickers on their lips.

☆●☆●☆

Those years of friendship translated to years of sharing secrets between them.

_What are your dreams?_

_Who's your ideal type?_

_I don’t think like that. I’m not like everyone else…_

_I hope we debut soon._

_We're getting there, everyone! Let's keep on fighting!_

And sometimes, of soft whispers in the dark.

“I don't think I'm good enough,” was what Moon Byulyi said when Yongsun found her alone in the bathroom, tears in her eyes and face red.

Was this the first time she saw her cry? No. No, she already saw her cry before--

The first time? She can't remember.

“Is that why you're here?” Yongsun said, squeezing a hand on her shoulder. “You're worrying about useless things.”

Byulyi lips twitched to the side, her eyes meeting Yongsun's gaze through the mirror in front of them.

“I'm a fucking rapper in a vocals group, I feel useless most of the time.” Byulyi looked away, “Maybe it's better if I don't debut with all of you.”

Yongsun frowned, sliding her hand from her shoulder to wrap both her arms on her waist. “What are you talking about? How can we be Mamamoo without you?”

“I-- I--”

“You worry too much sometimes,” she whispered to her neck as she rested her head on her shoulder.

It took her awhile to realize, but she can count on one hand the times she initiated showing affection to someone else.

And one of them was Moon Byulyi.

☆○☆○☆

She wasn't comfortable with skinship, she wasn't really one to show affection to someone close to her. Is it because of how she grew up? Or were the other people the weird ones?

But she must be the weird one to have not notice it in the first place.

She probably wouldn't have noticed it if their fans hadn't pointed it out.

Byulyi had always thought low of herself. She's a rapper in a vocals-oriented girl group after all. But all of that self doubt hides behind Moonbyul, the chic rapper of Mamamoo. Sometimes however, Byulyi peeks through; the stuttering in interviews, the small jitters, the pinching, the nail biting, the way she crosses her legs, the way she tries to laugh it off, the way she uses skinship to comfort herself...

Yongsun never noticed not until they pointed it out; the hands wrapping around her waist, rubbing on her stomach in a circular motion; the nose poking the side of her neck; the excessive teasing; the way she started talking to her like a complete flirt.

It was weird.

Weird.

Why didn't she notice?

And now that it was pointed out, she can't help but notice every little thing that Moon Byulyi does.

And Moon Byulyi is weird.

She's weird.

So weird.

☆●☆●☆

_“Unnie?”_

_“Fuck, just kiss me, Byul-ah.”_

But maybe.

Just maybe.

Kim Yongsun was the weird one.

☆○☆○☆

They said she had to participate.

They said it can help in putting a bit of focus to their group.

It didn't matter if they were actually good at singing.

The people didn't want that, not really.

They wanted dolls they could fantasize every night to.

They didn't want girls--no, women who know what they want.

They didn't want the strong image they're showing to the public.

They didn't want Hyejin looking the way she does.

They didn't want Byulyi acting the way she does.

Those people doesn't have to matter though. They didn't have to. But--

“It could put Mamamoo in the spotlight,” their CEO explained for the umpteenth time.

“By me pretending to be married? To a guy I never talked to?” Yongsun asked. It was an incredulous situation.

“Yes, you owe it to your group, Yongsun. Please, it will help.”

She hated the fact she found herself agreeing to it.

She also hated the fact that their CEO was wrong, as she thought back to their first win.

But just that bit of boost to their popularity was worth it, even if she hated every last bit of it.

☆●☆●☆

It wasn't a secret how Yongsun was uncomfortable all throughout the shooting of We Got Married.

It wasn't hard for her members to notice it too.

She was just glad that Hyejin and Wheein kept cheering her on.

_(“Divorce is just around the corner, unnie! Hwaiting!”)_

Byulyi, on the other hand, made it clear how much she hated it. In fact, she hated it more than Yongsun did.

That she have to pretend that she supported her wholeheartedly was like pulling teeth. She hated every second of it.

It didn't help that Byulyi was acting even weirder than before.

_Is she really weird, Yongsun? Or is it you?_

“Byul-ah, stop.”

Lips trailed down her neck, a hand pressing down on her hip.

“Byul-ah, I said stop!”

Finally, Byulyi looked up at her. “Unnie,” she started as a warning. Yongsun shook her head, pushing the other girl away. “You said--” she cut herself off, her face blank but Yongsun had seen that face too many times that she knew she angered her.

“Let's just sleep,” she told her. She watched as multiple emotions passed through Byulyi's face, but she was too tired to decipher every last one of them.

As she laid with her back to Byulyi, she can't help but snuggle against her when she felt that familiar arm around her waist.

_This is fine. Don't make it any weirder, Kim Yongsun._

☆○☆○☆

Sometimes they just spend time together with only silence between them--awake up until the early mornings, writing lyrics and composing.

Sometimes it was spent with stolen kisses and hands traveling to places no one had ever touched before.

Sometimes Yongsun felt daring.

Sometimes Yongsun stopped before it could go anywhere else.

Sometimes she wondered if Byulyi hated her for it.

☆●☆●☆

It was something of an open secret between them, this weird relationship of theirs.

Sometimes she’s amazed of the things that flies underneath the radar.

They both knew not to push somethings in the public though.

Sometimes they had to pull back things because they crossed this invisible line--a line neither of them knew where it started and where it ended.

But Yongsun knew she had always been good in pushing things away.

A little too good.

And at those times, Yongsun hated herself a bit more.

It was just so easy to hide behind the pretense of friendship--

_“We’ve been friends for years now.”_

_“We’re just friends.”_

\--of dancing around unspoken words and secret kisses.

But it was only Yongsun who couldn’t make up her mind.

She could only blame herself for any hurt that she felt.

Moon Byulyi had made it clear from the start after all...

_(“Unnie, I like you. Do you want to go out with me?”)_

And she was the one who kept things the way they are.

She felt tired. She was wondering about things she had never thought of before. She wondered when she started to think like this. She can’t remember when she started to change.

She only knew it was because of one Moon Byulyi that came and broke down her walls that she never knew existed--building it back up with a secret door that only she knows how to enter.

Maybe she was just tired of doing the same song and dance; of this push and pull.

Maybe it was the torn feeling she felt for every moment she shared with someone else--they weren’t together, not really. But she felt dirty everytime.

Maybe it was a brief moment of insanity--she read that sometimes happened to people that get too stressed

Or maybe, just maybe, it was that unspoken thing that they had always shared, because before Yongsun could even think about it, she said

“Yes. I like you too, Moon Byulyi.”

 _“_ _Oh_ _my love, you’re my everything_  
_When I’m with you, I’m always in heaven._  
_Always be my Star._  
_Our relationship that will last forever._  
_Don’t forget me…_ _  
_ Don’t lose our memories.”

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, what's up gay people?! This is my first time writing about real people.
> 
> Not my first foray in writing fan fiction, but I had always stayed in the fiction side of fanfiction. And I must admit, writing ffs about real people is completely out of my comfort zone.
> 
> My writing is a bit rusty so forgive me if the storytelling is a bit spazzy. Then again, I feel like Yong is a bit of a spaz herself. There's a lot words of unspoken here, Yongsun is really bad in expressing herself. Welp. I hope you guys liked this!
> 
>  
> 
> **also, this is cross-posted in aff!**


End file.
